A new life
by Lathalian
Summary: Riley finds her self transported 2000 years ago where she is forced to confront her demons and best of all she gets to meet Jesus! *contains self injury and suicidal thoughts*
1. Chapter 1

I thought I would have fun, and try something a little different, so let me know what you think!

I didn't want to go. I tried to come up with another reason not to, but my friend Kayla knew I had nothing better to do, and kept pleading,

"c'mon…it will be so much fun….the people are really great and we are having a guest speaker there tonight and I think it would be good for you to get out of the house."

I let out a deep sigh….I really didn't have anything better to, and I did need a reason to get out of the house.

"alright, fine. What time are you gonna pick me up?" I asked as I rolled out of bed glancing around my messy room for something to wear.

I made her walk in first, and I followed with my arms crossed and my head slightly down, avoiding eye contact with the greeter. I wasn't here to make friends, and I wasn't going to bother trying to even pay attention to the speaker, I just wanted to keep Kayla happy so she would stop pestering me about going to church with her. I tried to explain countless times that I didn't need to go, that I was happier with out, or I was just to busy. But time and time again, she kept pestering and finally I found myself in the last place I wanted to be…church. And not even regular run of the mill type church, a real spirit filled Pentecostal church. 'New Life' is what they called it.

We continued into the big room, where people stood, arms raised in praise and I plopped my self in the soft comfy chair and once again crossed my arms, while Kayla took the traditional Pentecostal worship stance.

While they offered their hearts up to God, all I could think of is the last time I was at a church, very similar to this one, and how I once had offered my love and thanksgiving to a God I once called Father. But that was a long time ago, and so much had changed since then.

I pulled my sleeves down even further past my wrist, the last thing I wanted was anyone catching a glimpse of my 'bad habit' and asking questions I would refuse to answer. So I let my mind wander while the band continued on.

*what do any of them care anyways. Why would anyone care? Why am I even wasting my time here? This is just so stupid God….I truly hate you, from the bottom of my heart. I'm stronger then all these foolish people…offering praise to you like some stupid sheep. I still cant believe that I once did this very thing…and I cant believe this is where I ended up. Why did you leave?*

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn't even realize that Kayla had sat down and the music had changed. Now it was soft piano music that seemed to just hang in the air weightless. I was suddenly awakened from my trance by a loud voice and the bright lights that flicked on. I blinked away the dark thoughts and sat up in me seat a little straighter. There in the front was the speaker, dressed in a soft grey suit, white button up, and pale blue tie. He was younger then I expected…not the typical slightly overweight, losing their hair pastor. This one looked like he had just stepped out of some Oklahoma bible college and was ready to change the world. His dark hair was neatly combed and face freshly shaved, his shoes looked newly polished.

I immediately sat up even more in my chair…church just got interesting I smiled devishly to myself. I leaned over to Kayla "why didn't you tell me the speaker was going to be so cute?" I whispered "shhhhhhhhhhhh" she said half smiling at me.

The pastor who's name was Paul Walker talked in a loud passionate voice, with a slight southern accent that only became more pronounced the louder he got. Now I was raised in church, and even went willingly on my own when I got older and had my own car, and I had seen so many speakers before that this wasn't really anything special. But it was. The way he looked at the crowd, the things he said. It wasn't just his cute face that kept my attention, it was the spirit I knew he had, an anointing so thick it was making me feel squeamish in my seat.

For the first time I felt myself wanting to listen, really listen. But everything inside of me screamed in protest. I found it harder and harder to sit the longer he talked and the louder he got. He talked of some many things, about how you can change your life, you can have peace and freedom, you can be free from addiction. I pulled my sleeves down even further, folding my fingers inward to hold it there and crossed my arms even tighter.

*doesn't matter what you say, I've still screwed up, and I've gone to far, too far to ever go back. And would I even want to?*

The end couldn't come soon enough, and I could tell he was starting to wrap things up. His voice softened and the music started up again, that same piano melody as before. I was finding it harder and harder to sit still, fighting the urge to grab up my bag and walk out. But I knew that would be rude, and just bring more attention to myself, not to mention all the questions Kayla would throw at me in the parking lot and the ride back home.

I carefully eyed the pastor who stood there now, hands on the podium, eyes scanning the crowd. His eyes stopped on an elderly woman and a big smile crossed his face.

"why don't you come on here to the front" he said looking directly at the woman.

She slowly stood to her feet her back slightly bent and hands curled in with sever arthritis. The pastor walked down to meet her and helped her to the front of the church. He turned to look at her, his eyes so filled with love. He laid his hands on her head and he began to pray. I couldn't hear what he said, but as he prayed her back got a little straighter and her hands where able to loosen up a bit.

Now while everyone stared on in wonder I had to think of this all as foolish. The cynical always, I had to content myself with inwardly making fun of all the believers here, and inwardly my self hatred grew and threatened to boil over. My breath quickened and I could feel my eyes darken ever so slightly if that's even possible. I didn't even bother to push back the hair that had fallen in my face.

The old woman had taken her seat and had even walked with more confidence then she probably had in years. His eyes began to roam around the room, and I could feel the hope and anticipation on everyone's face, silently praying he would call on them to receive prayer. He stopped for a minute and looked up towards the ceiling. A funny smile came across his face, and then he looked straight at me.

My breath caught in my throat, inwardly I screamed and begged him not to call on me.

*not me, not me, not me…you better not God!*

Anger ripped through my whole being, my pulse quickened. I wanted to look away but my eyes remained locked to his, inside something just dared him to call on me.

*go ahead, you wont be able to touch me, I'm stronger then this, I no longer belong to the God you worship, just try to lay your hands on me, what difference will it make? Just try.*

And then to my worst fear, he did.

Kayla nudged me, and when I ignored her having no clue as to what I should so, she pushed me harder. I sat unable to move and watched what seemed to be in slow motion as the pastor walked down the red carpeted aisle to the row of chairs I was sitting in.

"would you like to come up front?" he asked never breaking eye contact.

I didn't know what to do, my stomach did a summersault and I felt shaky. I felt I had no choice in this and grudgingly stood up and then refused to look at him or anyone as I made my way up front, arms still crossed, my eyes focused only on the floor.

I turned to look at him, ignoring all the people that so contentedly watched this all happen, and I'm certain my stance told them all this was very much so unwanted.

"may I lay my hands on you?"

The question caught me off guard, I don't remember any pastor asking anyone before. They always just did….maybe he had never encountered someone so unwilling to participate before, maybe the rigid way I was standing told him how much I hated every minute of this spectacle.

I shrugged my shoulders as if to say I didn't care, while forcing myself keep my feet planted and to keep them from running down the aisle and out the door.

He carefully placed his hands on my head, and I finally brought face up and looked into his eyes. He started to pray but I was so focused on keeping up my walls, and keeping God out I missed everything that he was saying. But then I could feel it. I could feel something push against my walls, my strong concrete and steel walls I had built against God and the world, where starting to give way.

I started to panic and the fear of God breaching my fortress struck me so hard I tried to raise my hands to push his away, but I found myself frozen in place. I tried to find the strength to fight off the unwelcome intruder, I tried so hard to stand firm and keep my mind closed. But I could feel He was winning, and finally His spirit pushed through and the last of my walls came tumbling down. And then I felt it travel through me, starting from my head and flowing downward. I closed my eyes and for a moment my spirit inside opened itself to Gods warm embrace and I almost let it win. But it was too much, it was all too much and that same fear sent a cold rush down my back and awareness came back as too what was really happening

God had crossed the line, God had broke through and there was nothing I could do to stop Him. His spirit flowed through my body making my head swim and my legs feel heavy. I felt my knees start to buckle, and the face of the pastor begin to darken as his praying became more intense as God's force became even stronger. That's when everything black and I felt myself falling.

So tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

**So I've been thinking for a few days on where I want this story to go, and thinking about all the fun different things I can do with it…so its been a few days and I'm finally ready to start the next chapter…..let me know what you think? Good? Bad? Worth the effort?**

I couldn't move, couldn't talk, and could barely grasp what was happening.

I felt weightless, like I was floating in the calmest of seas….big vast black seas.

And then a faint light appeared what seemed miles away.

It grew brighter and brighter and then began to change colors

All sorts of colors…lilac, indigo, hot pink, sunset orange, colors I had never seen before

The colors surrounded me, warmed me from head to toe like a hot bath

It was like I was swimming inside a sunset, the most breathtaking unforgettable sunset ever

Then I heard a voice, loud but soft and gentle at the same time

"The Lord has sent me, to help you, to guide you. For the Lord says _'Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have heard and obey it, and repent.' _The Lord God almighty is giving you this chance, this mission. You are being sent to a time before you walked this earth. You will be dressed in their clothes, and you will speak in their manor. And the Lord will be lifted up, and all praise will be unto Him."

Then nothing.

The light went out like a candle

The voice faded with the oncoming darkness

And once again I knew no more

**The verse was _Revelations 3:2-3_...let me know what you think...one lil review please?**


	3. Chapter 3

**So here we go…..I will try to follow as close as I can to timelines, persons and places…but do please let me know if I get anything wrong…**

I was so thirsty. I have never been so thirsty in my life. Or hot. Although my eyes where still closed the sun over head was blinding, and I had to fold my arm over my face to block out some of the intense light. I laid there for a while, letting my mind sort out all the craziness.

Images past through my mind, a flash of the church, the pastor, me walking up front, and then the blackness. I sat up like a rocket, as the last images flooded my eyes. Which was a mistake and made me feel so dizzy I had to lay down again. The voice, the light, the colors..all of it swam before me in complete clarity. What is going on?

This time I pulled myself up more slowly. I opened my eyes, under the cover of my arm and blinked away the darkness and adjusted to the sunshine. I was in a desert. A big empty desert. The hot sand felt soft under my hands, and the dusty air swirled around me.

I slowly stood to my feet and that's when I first noticed my strange dress. I was wearing what looked like a rob, a long dress sort of thing that stretched past my ankles to my brown leather sandals. The dress was a drab brown, a color I would never wear for any amount of money, and there was a white belt of rope around my waist. My hair was tucked up under veil that was thankfully a dark faded red and hung down to my waist. 'at least I have long sleeves on' I thought

I walked for all eternity it seemed. With each step I felt my depression deepen and way on me heavier then ever before. I mean, I was depressed before, had felt such agony with every breath, but I will still able to stay afloat, keep my head just above the water so I never completely drowned. that's what cutting was…my life vest in the stormy seas of my pathetic existence. At least I felt something before, I felt depressed and sad and angry. But now, it was different. I was so void of everything, hollow and empty.

I forced myself on through the deep sand, tripping now and then, and having to stop and empty the sand from my sandals every few feet. The sun rose higher in the sky and my dress seemed to weigh me down more and more. But my thirst drove me on, and I continued to drag my feet past shrubs and through the barren waste land.

Hours must have past, no sign of life accept the birds that flew high over head, dots against the setting sun. It was getting cooler finally, which brought such relief I actually almost smiled. And then I tripped; which brought out another string of curses and wiped that almost smile right off my face.

I was too exhausted to really think, to process all that had happened and all that was happening, or maybe it was just sever dehydration and heat exhaust that melted my brain into a puddle. I tore at my neckline and attempted to roll up my sleeves to no avail for the 100th time.

And then I saw it.

The walls of a great city rose up in the distance.

I kept walking, meeting no one as I went, and feeling extremely relieved for that. What would I even say? What if they asked questions…or even asked for my name? I couldn't tell them my real name…and the only names I could think of would just be silly…Bathsheba, Jezebel, Dorkus, Mary….I mean nothing wrong with the names or the people who own them…but they where so not me. And where would I say I was from? Washington? Eventually I would have to talk to people, and these where basic questions. I wasn't Jewish either, and I knew they didn't think to kindly on Romans.

I felt so alone. Walking on this dark road, no where to call home, no one to look to for help, my family and friends 2000 years away, and I couldn't even claim my own name. I was what I nothing.

The walls of the city loomed over head, the moon casting shadows that made the city look threatening and hostile. A cold chill ran down my back, and I felt such unease with this place. I decided id take my chances in the open wild before entering this city at this hour, and maybe in the morning the sun would cast a different light on this grim place.

I crept away from the wall and walked a distance away towards the base of the mountain, and finding a nice shaded area among trees I curled up and drifted off to sleep.

**Hope you liked it…I'm still trying to figure out what city this will be, and when exactly she meets up with Jesus…any ideas are welcome!**


	4. Chapter 4

***contains self injury* ****Thank you for the reviews….very much appreciated!**

I awoke at dawn to a rooster crowing and was surprised to find myself sleeping under a tree. My back was killing me, I had sticky sap all over my hands, one of my legs had fallen asleep and was painfully waking up as well, and that stupid rooster kept crowing.

"Coffee…." I moaned as I stood to my feet and stretched my arms and back then straightened out my dress and readjusted my veil. Having no idea as too what I should do next, I sat back down again.

"well maybe I should go check out the town, but that might mean I have to talk to people…which I really don't want to do…maybe I'll just sit here and do nothing."

I sat in silence debating my choices and finally decided to check out the city just a little…find out where I am at least. I made my way down the hill back towards the city and hesitated before the entrance.

Two men stood guard, dressed in armor with big swords at their waist and shiny helmets.

I slowly strode forward hoping I could just slip past them with out any notice, and was almost through the gate before one of them ordered me to stop.

"and what is a lone Jewess doing out by herself?"

I looked at the man to my right , who was standing as rigid as a tree

"I'm not a Jew, sir."

"Well then non Jewess, what are you doing out by yourself?" he asked sharply as his eyes narrowed

I didn't know what to say, I hadn't been expecting this at all, and the look he was giving me sent shivers down my back.

"well?" He asked impatiently, as he rested his right hand on the hilt of his sword. I could easily tell he was losing patience fast and I still had no answer.

"please sir, I was traveling with my family but lost track of them in a sand storm, I got lost and I don't know where I am now."

His gaze never left my face, but I could see he had accepted my story, and did not seem to pleased at all.

"A woman alone is trouble" He sneered as he looked me over from head to toe

"Stop playing games and let the girl in" the man on my left said in bored voice

I glanced over at the man who was leaning against the wall as if he had no care in the world. A sigh of relief nearly escaped my lips, but I held it in, worried they both would block the gate and deny me entrance.

"fine…but if I hear of any trouble, any trouble at all you will greatly regret it…we have our own ways of dealing with trouble makers…especially woman who make trouble"

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes….what an idiot….cant even come up with another word besides trouble…

"no sir…no trouble from me"

Once inside the city I found myself in a chaotic mass of people, carts, and animals. The smell of humane waste and animal dung settled around me, and the noise of the market place was almost too much. I lost myself to crowd and followed blindly as I made my way further into town.

I never liked big crowds, and there was so much going on…merchants calling out to the people, dogs barking, babies wailing, two men fighting, and somewhere in the distance that stupid rooster was still crowing. I felt so over whelmed and so terribly alone, I soon regretted my decision about coming here at all. I thought about the safety of the trees in the shadow of the mountain, and decided it was better to leave this filthy city.

I turned to leave, and found myself wedged between a merchants booth and a big burly man. As I tried to squeeze past, a glimmer of metal caught my eye. The man with dirty white robes had his back turned to me and didn't see me eye his dagger he had tucked into his belt. My eyes locked onto it, and immediately I felt that desire, that unquenchable urge creep into the pit of my stomach. I wanted it. I had to have that dagger…

I waited a moment until the man was so engaged with bartering for something I couldn't see, and gently lifted the dagger from his belt. There was so much going on, the man didn't even notice and I pushed my way back into the crowd with the dagger tucked up under my sleeve. Before leaving the city, I did take a moment and dared to ask a young mother what city this was. She was so busy balancing a baby on her hip and holding the hand of a toddler that she only had a moment to breathlessly reply "Nazareth"

So I was in Nazareth…I thought as I made my way out of the city and through the gate; which was guarded by different men then who didn't care enough to stop and question me.

I nestled myself among the trees again, thankful for their shade. The sun was now high in the sky, and I could feel the heat of the sun already. I pulled the veil off my head, and shook out my long dark hair. I let the dagger fall onto my lap and did nothing but stare at it. It wasn't anything special really, just a small blade with a wooden handle. But to me, it meant so much more. It meant relief and comfort.

I felt that chill of longing creep down my back, as I slowly picked it up by the smooth handle and watched as the light danced upon the steel. I quickly glanced around, and finding myself alone, I rolled back my sleeve. The blade sliced so easily, a nice straight line, the blood trailed to my wrist. The moment was ecstasy, bliss, and wonderfully bittersweet. I let this release wash over me and sat unblinking, hypnotized by the crimson red. I picked up the blade and repeated the process a few more times until I finally reached that moment of numbing peace and let the blade drop from my hands. I sat like that for a while, trying to hold onto that feeling, only to find it slowly fade away. I was tired now, and the sun wrapped my in such comfortable warmth, I laid down in the shade and drifted off to sleep.

Loud voices startled me awake. I sat up quickly, pulled down my sleeve, threw my veil back on and tucked the dagger behind me. A large group of men and woman followed a man through the gates, shouting angrily at him. I picked up the dagger, tucking it into my belt and crept forward curiously.

The man was dressed simply, and looked as if this was an everyday occurrence without any fear of the angry mob that was trying to close in around him. He kept walking at a swift pace, always staying just ahead of them, while they continued to shout threats as they drove him out of town. As the man grew closer to where I was watching from the shade of the trees, the group began to disperse and the voices began to die down. Most gave up the chase and turned back to town, while a small group still persisted…always a step behind.

The man stopped walking then and turned and faced the small group that still followed. He said something, but I was too far to hear Cleary what was spoken. The men then dispersed and with all fury they gave up the chase and started to turn back. The man then continued on as if nothing had happened and almost walked right past me. To my complete surprise he stopped right in front of me.

His eyes fixed on mine, and I felt something twist and turn in my stomach. There was something so powerful and loving about the way he looked at me. Not just looked, but saw. Really saw me and everything about me. I found myself lost for a moment under his gaze, but was pulled out at the sound of his voice

"Riley, follow me."

**Soooooo…please feel free to let me know what you think! If you want to know…I dropped Riley into Luke 4:28..right after Jesus had read from the scroll of the prophet Isaiah in the synagogue. Which was on the Sabbath…which means no one would have been out shopping at the market or working at all….which I didn't think about until I was almost done writing, and it almost 3 am and I am too tired to go back and rewrite is all again. Hope you enjoyed it!**

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	5. Chapter 5

**I have been so crazy busy…had family come out to visit, was sick for a week and job hunting….just moved out to Colorado about months ago…so be patient! A lot going on, and really just trying to survive out here….I am so not giving up on this story either…I plan on seeing this all the way to the end****J**

I was shocked, kinda. I guess I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew I would run into Jesus, but I was not ready for this so soon. I made certain my sleeves where pulled down and my dagger was tucked away safely before falling in step behind him.

There was a crowd of people that walked with us, mostly men and a few woman. I walked with the woman most of the day and some of it alone. I was still in such a daze. I could not grasp the fact still that this was actually happing. And when my mind went foggy like that, and my insides felt a vast emptiness, the only way to snap out of it was to cut myself back to reality. I played with the idea all day as we walked… 'if I do try to hurt myself, would he stop me? Or does free will still apply in this time, meaning he cant do anything?'

We walked all day and the desire to harm myself increased as the sun rose higher and then began to drop behind the horizon. We had stopped for the night, and we sat around a small campfire. Having no blanket I sat on the hard desert ground, silently praying no creepy spiders decided to crawl up my tunic. Shivers rolled down my back at the thought, or was it the cold? Scorching heat in the day, and extreme cold at night. I hated the desert.

The woman talked softly amongst themselves from where they where huddled on one side of the fire, while the men loudly joked and told stories. Everyone seemed in good spirits, and laughter echoed all around the dancing fire. I could not join in, could not shake this desire that burned so within. I needed release, but here among all these joyous people, I just could not bring myself to slip off to a secluded place. 'maybe later' I told myself 'when everyone is sleeping, then maybe I could…'

I sighed heavily, hating this. Hating I felt the need to do this, hating that the messiah; the savior of the world was only 10 feet away and all I wanted to do was hurt myself. I almost thought about crying. I stared intently at the fire, glancing around the group every now and then. I looked up to where a few men had erupted in loud laughter and there sat Jesus, his eyes glowing in the fire light, watching me.

The love and concern in his eyes was so great it about shattered my heart. My very being felt like it was being pulled apart and then a hatred and fear seemed to boil over. I could feel it start small from the pit of my stomach, and as it grew stronger something inside seemed to lock eyes with him, almost a challenge. My arms where locked tight, my back straight and I sat unmoving unblinking for a second, or 10 minutes, I had no idea how long we sat like that. His expression changed slightly then, his head tilted slightly to the side and the look in his eyes softened. I blinked then and the bile tasting anger diminished and I was left again feeling hollow and confused. I could no longer delay and I rose from the group still enjoying themselves unaware of what had happened and walked off into the night. My dagger tucked tightly into my belt.

My back was stiff and my legs where so painfully soar from all the walking. Blisters caused a horrible limp, and my the muscles where so tight in my neck it hurt to move. I slowly rose from the ground, the rough scratchy fabric of my tunic scrapped against my arms and cause me to inhale sharply through my teeth. I was a mess. My veil was lopsided, and my dress was covered in dirt from sleeping on the hard rocky ground. I carefully dusted myself off while the others began to stir, copying my actions. My arms throbbed painfully, I hadn't had a chance to glimpse last nights damage, and I was almost afraid to look.

It was dark when I had walked off, and even darker once I had walked far enough away from the fire I could no longer see the ground in front of me, and after tripping a few times, I just didn't get up after the 3rd time and sat there. I was so upset, with myself, and with everything. I could feel tears start to swell but they never fell. I hadn't cried in well over a year…I just was not able to anymore. I felt so strange, so horrid, and so drained all at once. I questioned my feelings, I thought about the hate I had felt so strong. I thought about his loving compassion and could picture his eyes, his face so Cleary in my head. His words echoed in my mind "Riley, follow me". I felt the weight of that sentence, the heaviness of what he asked. I knew I was safe for now, I knew he wouldn't dare cross that line and confront me. But something inside had challenged him too. Something rose up, and I could feel it screaming 'c'mon and try! You will never win' Something sinister was there and gone, but from deep within I could still feel it, biding its time, enjoying itself with my misery, thriving on my spilt blood and fresh cuts from that same morning. Was it that morning? It felt ages ago already. And here I am again, for the second time today, cowering on the ground, destroying my arms. Ruining them, scaring them for life.

The hatred I had felt towards Jesus seeped out once again, but it was directed towards myself. I pulled out my dagger and allowed myself to cry crimson tears.

We walked again that day. Surprise.

We stopped for lunch, which I skipped, and then walked some more. The blisters on my feet where a welcome distraction giving my something to think about. The day wore on, and I was even less chatty then the day before.

Once again, laughter and stories where shared around the fire, but I was too tired to care. I fell into a deep sleep that night, completely exhausted and worn out. The sun broke through the hazy early light, chasing away the last of the darkness. Stiff, sore, tired, and with every muscle hurting we walked another day.

When I thought my body was going to completely fall apart, there in the distance a grand city rose up. The land around us had gradually changed, the desert giving way to greener ground, and the smell of the salty sea drifted lazily through a breeze, breaking some of the days heat. "Capernaum at last!" a woman next to me exclaimed as she looked over at me with the warmest smile upon her face. I returned her smile, painting on the most real looking one I could master. But I knew my eyes didn't light up the way hers did, but she didn't seem to notice and was soon busy chatting away with the other woman excitingly.

I exhaled heavily as we neared the city, and asked my self 'what next?'

**So I had originally decided to change her name, I was going to have the angel 'assign' her a different one, but in the end decided to keep her herself as much as possible. Accept her clothes being different. And I will go into more detail soon on her emotional and spiritual state. See. She is now living in a time before Jesus gave him self up to die for us. So all the problems she had before are amplified a thousand times more. She was a Christian and had fallen away…but still a child of God forgiven forever and always. But now; where she is now, its as if she never was saved, and she's feeling the full force of this. Before she had the spirit of God within, keeping a lot of things at bay, but now she no longer has that and is being attacked from all sides and within with out even realizing it. But soooooo much more to come on all of that. Just wanted to kind of try to explain that….hope it makes sense? Keep the reviews coming! They really helpJ**

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